作者： 胡景北

Hu Jingbei’s Note：Make reference， pls.， to the original one in the Chronicle of Higher Education， Vol. LIII， No.27， March 9， 2007， http://chronicle.com/weekly/v53/i27/27a04301.htm， if cited.

 

A Chinese Scholar Reckons With His Past

January 27， 1971: “If we dedicate all our lives to the socialist revolution， letting the Communist Party and the People decide how we can make the most of our time， our futures are sure to be affluent. Thinking of this， how can I possibly feel blue?”

Jingbei Hu winces now when he reads that， recognizing how that “socialist revolution” led to the murder of countless scholars and the shuttering of many schools. Still， he is determined to share the words he wrote in his diary with anyone willing to read them. Now an economics professor at Tongji University here， his goal is to show how the Communist government bent his will during the Cultural Revolution， more than 35 years ago.

“If we don’t work on this problem， on understanding how this brainwashing occurred， we will have another Cultural Revolution，” Mr. Hu says while eating dinner in a student restaurant at Tongji. He is a wiry man who finishes every scrap of the oversized portions then eats the leftover pizza on others’ plates.

Through a fellowship， Mr. Hu spent January and February at Stanford University‘s Hoover Institution doing research for a Chinese-language book that will examine the impact of Communist ideology on Chinese children. In the long term， he hopes， his research will help pave the way for greater tolerance and freedom in China.

But in the meantime， Mr. Hu has put online the diaries he kept as a teenager during the Cultural Revolution — diaries that he now compares to those kept by Hitler Youth members in Nazi Germany. And he is on a personal mission to understand how， as a young man of 18， he was so absolutely convinced that Mao Zedong was a hero worth putting all his faith into.

January 28， 1971: “”Our great leader Chairman Mao is the greatest contemporary Marxist Leninist， the greatest mentor of the Proletariat， the greatest leader of people in the world， the greatest general of the Union Army of Peasants and Workers， the greatest captain of the revolutionary ship， the reddest sun in our hearts.””

During the Cultural Revolution， which lasted from about 1966 to 1976， Mao organized the youth of the country into squads of Red Guards and urged them to attack intellectuals and “”bourgeois things.””

The Chinese education system fell into chaos during the latter years of Mao’s rule. In 1968， Mr. Hu， like millions of other young Chinese of the era， was sent to a commune in the countryside of Jiangsu， a province in central China， where he worked and lived as a peasant. He was 15 and had finished only half a year of middle school. Now he spent his time lugging manure， fertilizing cabbage， and writing in his diary about the benefits of such physical labor， both to himself and to the country.

February 2， 1972: “”My brother， my sister， and I were sent to the pasturing areas， farms and villages， separately in 1968 as part of the ‘Urban Youth Going to the Countryside’ movement. My father was sent down to a village in Pudong， Shanghai. We split for the Revolution. Even though we miss each other much， and our parents miss the three of us very much， … we need to guide them through this， making them realize that the welfare of the Revolution outweighs personal benefits … .””

Mr. Hu lived in the rural area for nearly 10 years. But writing in his diaries kept his intellect alive. Sometimes he would structure the entries like short， analytical essays. He sought out copies of old textbooks to teach himself math， physics， and chemistry.

Many Chinese teenagers during the Cultural Revolution were similarly motivated， notes Merle Goldman， an associate of the John K. Fairbank Center for East Asian Research at Harvard University. “”A lot of people from that era were， literally， self-taught，”” she says. “”It has a lot to do with Confucian values of hard work and education.””

By 1978 the Cultural Revolution had ended and Mao had died. Mr. Hu， 25， was given the chance to take university entrance exams. Despite not having been inside a classroom for more than a decade， he passed easily.

He went to Nanjing University and studied economics. He traveled， even living in Germany for several years. There he found the people to be much more open about discussing the Nazi era than the Chinese were about discussing the Cultural Revolution. Gradually Mr. Hu became an intellectual who had little in common with the boy who had so earnestly labored and kept diaries extolling the benefits of the Revolution. He never repudiated that boy and his diaries — he simply grew up and moved on.

Last summer， though， Mr. Hu was traveling through a mountainous area of Hunan province when， in a dim room of a peasant household made darker by smoke， a small girl told him that she used the kitchen table to study and write.

Memories of his own years living in the countryside and writing at a table in a hovel rushed back to him. He reread his diaries and tried to get them published， but failed because of official restrictions on what can be published about the Cultural Revolution. He has put part of the diaries online and hopes to post the remainder soon.

At Stanford he had access to books and materials about the Cultural Revolution that are not available in China. His plan is to write his book for the young people of China. They are the ones who have time to change if they learn to ask questions， he says: “”In Chinese schools， the conventional wisdom is that people shouldn’t ask， they should simply take. Many， many students can’t think for themselves. That’s a huge problem.””

February 7， 1972: “”The article ‘Study Hard， Try to Change Your Perspectives’ in the Red Flag magazine … inspired me a lot and helped me sort out some confusion. From now on， I will try to bring my studies to another level， and will pay extra attention to the five philosophical works of Chairman Mao.””

At Stanford this winter， Mr. Hu spent most of his time reading and thinking. He is compiling lists of ways the Communist government has been able to inculcate its young people — from his own youth， during the Cultural Revolution， to the present day. No. 1: Propaganda. No. 2: Media. No. 3: Education.

“”From the first day of school，”” he says， “”we were taught that we should be students for the Communist Party.””

The children of China today have more opportunity than the young people of his own era， Mr. Hu says. The schools are open and a booming economy provides college graduates with more career possibilities. The Shanghai of skyscrapers， international visitors， and luxury restaurants and shops is like no place in the China he grew up in.

But while the buildings expand， the space for discussing politically sensitive topics is， if anything， contracting.

“”It’s very hard to get a public discussion going about the Cultural Revolution and what happened，”” says Boston‘s Ms. Goldman. “”It will change when they get a leadership that will face up to what happened， but the present leadership has no desire to face up to that.””

Ordinary people， too， lack interest in analyzing their history， she says. “”The Chinese have been so deprived for so long of economic well-being. … Political issues are of secondary importance right now.””

Mr. Hu， though， says that at some point he stopped worrying about how the Chinese can become rich. Instead he has become preoccupied with how they can become good. As he did 35 years ago， he looks to his diaries for the answers — but now with a far different end in sight.

January 29， 1972: “”A single spark can start a prairie fire”” (the title of one of Mao’s essays).

Many Chinese people mistakenly believe that they can detach themselves from the past， Mr. Hu says. So he’s putting his own past front and center， hoping that someday， reading the words of his diary will elicit a collective wince， questioning， and， finally， a reckoning.

Sarah Carr reported from China for five weeks this fall through an International Reporting Project fellowship.

 

Hu Jingbei’notes:

1.       All diaries cited in the report are dated the year of 1971， not 1972.

2.       English translations of the diaries contain some mistakes.

3.       The original Chinese diaries dated from January 27 to May 15， 2007， are online:

    http://www.hujingbei.net/upload/2007_07/07070612587135.doc 

“

注：按照美国新闻界惯例，此类报道无须事前经被报道者过目，也无须代表被报道者的观点。

 

一位中国学者反思自己的过去

 

记者：Sarah Carr

原文载于美国出版的Chronicle of Higher Education第53卷第27期， 2007年3月9日

 

 

1971年1月27日：“我们的一生都交给党和人民来安排，一切都献于共产主义事业，我们的前程必将是光辉灿烂的。想到这些，还有什么可难过的呢？”

 

这是胡景北先生当年的日记，多年后的今天他不忍卒读。他意识到，“社会主义革命”导致无数学者被迫害，大批学校被关闭。尽管如此，他还是决定跟任何关心这段历史的人分享他的日记。现在，身为同济大学的经济学教授，他希望向人们展示，在35年多前的那场“文化大革命”中，共产主义政府是如何控制他的思想的。

 

“如果我们不反思这个问题，不弄清楚这种洗脑式的宣传教育是如何发生的，那么，我们以后可能还会再次面临‘文化大革命’这样的运动。”在同济大学的一个学生餐厅里吃饭时，胡先生这样说道。他是一个清瘦的人，但胃口很好，在吃完一大份比萨饼后，还吃掉了另一个盘子里剩余的比萨饼。

 

今年1－2月，利用一个基金的资助，胡先生在斯坦福大学胡佛研究所做研究。他打算写一本中文书，考察共产主义意识形态对中国青少年的影响。他希望，他的研究工作能够帮助中国社会走向宽容和自由。

 

同时，胡先生把他十几岁时在文化大革命期间写的日记上传到了网络上——他把这些日记比喻成当年纳粹德国希特勒青年团员的日记。他在想，当时只有18岁的他，是如何完全地把毛泽东当成值得他顶礼膜拜的英雄人物。

 

1971年1月28日：“伟大领袖毛主席，是当代最伟大的马克思列宁主义者，是无产阶级最伟大的导师，是世界人民最伟大的领袖，是工农大军最伟大的统帅，是革命航船最伟大的舵手，是我们心中最红最红的红太阳。”

 

在1966－1976年的“文化大革命”期间，毛发动中国青年组成“红卫兵”，呼吁他们向知识分子和“资产阶级的东西”进攻。

 

在毛统治后期，中国教育系统陷入混乱之中。1968年，和当时数以百万计的青年一样，胡先生被下放到位于华中『应为华东——译者注』的江苏省的一个农村公社，作为一个农民在那里劳作和生活。那时他才15岁，刚念了半年的中学。在农村，他挑粪、施肥，在日记中写体力劳动对他个人和国家的好处，他就这样过着日子。

 

1971年2月2日：“我们全家六人，分成五处，我和哥哥、姐姐响应毛主席知识青年到农村去的伟大号召，于六八年分别到了牧区、农场、农村。接着，父亲又在七零年下放到江浦农村。我们是为革命而离开的。虽然彼此想念得很，尤其是父母，更是十分想念我们三个孩子……我觉得我们应做的，一方面是从政治上开导他们——事实上，也是这样做的——用革命大义使他们放开眼光，振奋精神，让自己的个人利益服从于革命的利益，……

 

胡先生在农村生活了将近10年，是写日记让他保持着头脑上的活力。有时他的日记像一篇分析事物的短文。他靠抄写旧的教科书自学了数学、物理、化学等课程。

 

米勒·哥德曼指出，许多中国青少年在“文化大革命”中有着类似学习经历。哥德曼是哈佛大学费正清东亚研究中心的助理。“许多经历过那个时代的人，在文化上靠的是自学，”她说，“这与儒家的艰苦劳动与教育的价值观有很大关系。”

 

1978年，胡先生25岁。此时毛已去世，“文化大革命”也已结束，胡先生才有机会参加大学的入学考试。尽管离开教室已经超过10年，但他还是很轻松地考上了。

 

他进了南京大学，学习经济学。他旅行很多，后来又到德国去了几年。在那里，他发现人们讨论“纳粹时代”要比在中国讨论“文化大革命”开放得多。胡先生逐渐成为一个知识分子，与先前那个在农村辛勤劳作并在日记中赞美“革命”的男孩已大不相同。他从没理会过先前的自己和那些日记——因为他长大了，朝前走了。

 

去年夏天，在湖南省山区，在一间被烟火熏黑了的农家房子里，一个小女孩告诉胡先生，她用吃饭的桌子看书、写作业。

 

这一下子唤起了他对自己农村生活的回忆，他的日记也是在那样的小饭桌上写出来的。他重读了自己的日记，并试图出版，但由于中国限制出版与“文化大革命”有关的作品，他未能如愿。于是，他把部分日记上传到了网上，并打算把其余部分也尽快上传。

 

在斯坦福大学，胡先生读了一些有关“文化大革命”的书和材料，这些资料在中国是找不到的。他打算为中国的青年人写书。这些青年人如果学会提问题，他们就有时间改变。他说：“在中国的学校里，习惯的思维方式是学生不要提问题，听就行了。这样，许许多多的学生就没有学会自己思考。这是一个很大的问题。”

 

1971年2月7日：“《红旗》杂志发表短评《认真读书，努力改造世界观》……这篇文章对我启发很大，澄清了头脑里一些糊涂思想。今后，我应加强学习，尤其要注意学习毛主席的五篇哲学著作，努力改造世界观。”

 

这个冬天在斯坦福大学，胡先生把他的大部分时间花在了阅读和思考上。他列举了共产主义政府在教导青少年方面的一些方式——从他自己的少年起，经过“文化大革命”时期直到今天：第一，宣传；第二，媒体；第三，教育。

 

“从进学校的第一天起，”他说，“我们就被教导，我们应当是共产党的学生。”

 

中国今天的青少年比他那时候有更多的机会，胡先生说。学校是开放的，迅速发展的经济给大学毕业生提供了更多职业的可能性。上海的摩天大楼、海外的来访者、高档的饭店和商店，和他青年时候的情况完全不一样。

 

但是，与建筑物的不断扩大相反，讨论政治敏感话题的空间即使有，也是很小的。

 

“公开讨论‘文化大革命’是非常困难，”波士顿的哥德曼女士说，“只有他们得到一个勇于面对‘文化大革命’的领导人时，情况才会改变。目前的领导人不愿意去面对这些。”

 

中国普通群众也缺乏分析自己历史的兴趣，她说，“中国人那么多年被剥夺了经济福祉，……政治问题目前只能是第二位的了。”

 

但是，胡先生说，他在某种程度上不再担心中国如何变富，他现在关注的是中国如何变正的问题。正如他35年前做的那样，他把目光投向了他的日记，希望能够找到答案——但是，现在的视角已大不相同了。

 

1971年1月29日：“星星之火，可以燎原”（毛一篇文章的标题）。

 

胡先生说，许多中国人错误地认为他们能把自己同过去割裂开来。因此，他把自己的过去摆出来，希望有一天，通过他的日记，能够引起集体性的内疚、质问，直到最后的清算。

 

Sarah Carr发自中国的报导。通过一个国际报导项目的资助，她于2006年秋天访问了中国5周。

胡景北为本文的翻译负责。

 

译者注：

1．原文引用的所有日记都是1971年的，但原文有三处错写成1972年。

2．译文所用的日记文本直接引自于该日记的中文原文。原报道中的英文翻译有错误之处。

3．胡景北1971年1月17日至5月15日的日记原文可见

 

      http://www.hujingbei.net/upload/2007_07/07070612587135.doc